


Episode Nineteen 1/2

by croatoanwholock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, coda/crack series, don't take this seriously, this is like a total joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 08:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3804379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/croatoanwholock/pseuds/croatoanwholock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post S10, Episode 19. While Sam and Dean were slitting their wrists and dealing with magic boxes, what were everyone's favorite supporting characters up to?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Episode Nineteen 1/2

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for 10x19, obviously.
> 
> This is like 50% crack, 50% wish fulfillment cheesy Destiel angst.

_Meanwhile, somewhere in the Midwest._

“Squirrel.” Crowley said, sounding bored as he appeared out of thin air. Despite being a pathetic excuse for a demon (with a human blood addiction), he was still very good at remaining blasé.

“Try again.” A not-as-deep voice echoed. Crowley furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. _But that’s impossible…_

In front of the King of Hell stood a fully angel-ed up Castiel. Not the Winchesters’ _Cas_ – an awkward and dorky tax accountant in a trench coat. This was _Castiel_ , the seraph with a thousand flaming eyes and five dimensions of pure grace.

Crowley honestly peed himself a little.

He adjusted his tie and stood up a little straighter. “Well, look who got their wings backs. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“I want to make a deal.” Castiel announced coolly. The angel's icy politeness was frankly, irritating. He was really cutting straight to the thick of it. Angels were no-nonsense kinds of guys, it seemed.

Crowley laughed. He honest to _Lucifer_ laughed. “Um, I’m going to pass.”

The angel just stared at him. “Why?”

Crowley waved his hand, producing a plush swede chair. He sat down on the red cushions and crossed his legs. “Where do I begin to start? First off, you _crossed_ me last time, if I remember correctly. Which I do, by the way. I have _very_ good memory! Then, there’s the whole _sealing the deal_ part. I have no problem with your meat suit, if you’re worried about that. It’s just well, your Winchesters are quite the possessive type, and I’m in no rush to be on the receiving end of Dean’s blade.”

“I don’t understand.” Castiel hadn’t moved a bit since he started talking. That man was as rigid as a board. After all this time, one would think he could try and act a little less… well, angelic.

Crowley buried his head in his hands. _He could read minds, for the love of Lilith! Why didn’t he use it?_ “Dean Winchester. You know him, yes? He’s been pining for you for, pathetically obsessing like the teenage girl he is, well for as long as I’ve known the two of you. It’s bloody irritating. Why don’t you just pin him against a wall and go to town?” 

Castiel looked a little offended. “Dean is not attracted to me in that way. And even if he were, it would be highly… unholy of me. He has no other individuals in his life besides his immediate family, and interprets our connections as infatuation.”

“I have no idea what any of that bloody meant. Look, Castiel-”

“I prefer Cas.”

“ _Cas_. You’re in love with that pretty-boy human.”

“My feelings are irrelevant. Emotions are a… side affect of the fall. And too much time spent in this vessel, perhaps."

”Look. I’m not going to make a deal with you. But out of curiosity and perhaps a shred of respect for your persistence, tell me: what could you possibly want?” 

Cas’ shoulders slumped. For a second, Crowley was certain he saw a little bit of human in the angel. That’s when it dawned on him – _the wings!_ The angel’s wings were all ruined from the fall and the stolen grace and all the other chaotic forces in Cas' life. He wasn't really himself like he used to be.

“A deal with a demon can defy laws that this world is forced to adhere to. One could theoretically go back in time, never age, learn ten languages, the list goes on… all with a kiss.”

 Crowley rolled his eyes. He was fully aware of his occupation. “Darling, a deal with me takes a lot more than a kiss.” He waved his hand dismissively. “What the hell are you getting at?”

“I want a cure for the Mark of Cain. I want to cure Dean Winchester.”

 “Bollox. There _is_ no cure for that. “

 “But if I made a deal for it…” Castiel’s refusal to give up was almost annoying.

 “It might just work. I’m not sure. But you don’t have a soul. Maybe Moose would do it?”

 Cas shook his head. “Keep Sam and Dean out of it. They can’t know.”

The King of Hell stood up and smoothed out his trousers. He had a _lot_ to ponder over, and a lot of research to do. “I tell you what, Cas. As a courtesy, I’ll look into it. But keep out of my way, and keep my name away from the boys.”

 “Thank you, Crowley.”

 “Don’t thank me just yet. What can you do for me?”

Castiel grimaced. There's always  _something_  with demons. _  
_

"Your mother. The witch. Rowena, yes? I can... take care of her for you."

Crowley made a hum of approval. The demon snapped his fingers and disappeared. Cas turned back to walk to his car. He didn’t need it for transportation, but rather he enjoyed the experience of driving. Humanity was peculiar. He slid into the driver’s seat of his car and rested his head on the worn leather.

“Well…” Charlie said from the passenger seat. She looked at him expectantly.

 “Crowley is looking into it. Once I find out whether he is able to or not, I notify Sam and Dean. Then, that’s in their hands.”

 “So this is what a day in the life is like? Double crossing demons? Phew.”

 Cas looked at her with a blank expression. “Would you rather that I _trust_ demons?”

Charlie scrunched her nose at him. “No – no way. Wait, can I ask you something?” I read the Supernatural books, even up to when I was reading about _me_. That was... weird. Anyways, when you made a deal with Crowley, he’s a big-leauge demon right? That means you two….”

Castiel nodded stiffly.  “It was a necessity at the time.”

“Oh. My. God.”

“Put your seatbelt on. And don’t blaspheme in my car.”

**Author's Note:**

> It would be super awesome if you reviewed. Just saying...


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